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I write. You’ve probably guessed that by now. Comic fantasy, to be precise. Well, it is if it makes you laugh :-).

Recently I was talking with another writer about that. No, not the comic part. The fantasy. We were talking about Fantasy, and we were talking about Science Fiction. But mostly we were talking about the differences between them.

Very quick and totally non-scientific surveys among those we knew had led to a surprising conclusion. A lot of people who seemed to like Science Fiction said they didn’t much like Fantasy. And a lot of people who liked Fantasy?

There isn’t much garlic doesn’t go with. Well, except vampires. Though if you want to know why vampires hate garlic, you’ll have to read 'A Comedy of Terrors' when it comes out in July 2012 :-).

... X is one less than is required :-).

Perhaps I should explain.

For Jones at the back – wake him up, Spencer – a Query is the letter you send to an Agent or publisher to try to interest them in representing or publishing your work of genius. It’s a one page letter that tries to hide a razor sharp hook tipped with dynamite in about 250 words or so.

Once upon a time – and there probably was a ‘once upon a time’ those very words were used for the very first time – well, once upon a time, if someone started a spoken or written sentence with ‘I don’t mean to be offensive, but…’, it was time to duck. Or run. Or find a really, really big writ. With nails in. Because, quite simply, they were going to be.

Offensive.

And now for something completely different.

Or at least, something I haven’t written here before :-).

It’s right there. Or rather, right here. On the front page. It, is, really! It says:

“Graeme Smith. That's me. A soon (where 'soon' is a variable) to be published fantasy writer.”

If you've been reading this blog, I hope the 'comic' isn't news. Or the 'writer'. But 'soon'? 'Published'? How do you measure 'soon'?

Loglines. I hates ‘em, I does. I hates ‘em forever.

Of course, I hate Queries and Synopses too. But I recently took part in a logline critique run by the wise and wonderous Miss Snark's First Victim (Miss Snark's First Victim) and it reminded me how much I hate loglines.

I was writing a Query letter recently.

Ah. Right. There may be some people reading who don’t know what a Query letter is. Or even just ‘some people reading’ :-). So for those who may not know, a Query letter is the letter (one page, in the region of two hundred and fifty words over which the writer sweats and curses more than their one hundred and fifty thousand word book) a writer sends to a potential Agent. The idea is to convince the Agent that this writer and this book are the two things the Agent has been missing all their lives. Until now.

I know. I keep saying it. Once a week, already. On Sunday. That's when I post.

But sometimes...

Open with a bang, hit 'em like a hammer
It's a question we ask, how to grab a reader
Know it when you see it, it's got The Hook...

(With apologies to Per Gessle and Marie Fredriksson)

Hello again. And welcome to another episode in an intermittent series where I talk about something some of you know already :-). And in ‘Writers Jargon 101’ this week? The Hook.

Er… the what?

Assuming you’re a reader, and not infected with Diseasius Writeris (Writing - it's a disease), what do you think of when you hear the word ‘writer’? Do you think of flickering candles, and a lonely garret filled with the scritch and scratch of a quill pen?